independence

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Both helmets having been thrown into a corner, Sy's usual need for a certain level of neatness frozen stiff, Simon got himself out of his cold frigid clothes in a record time, the door barely having clicked closed behind the boys before he was done. He rushed over to his drawers, his clothing trailing behind him, Haylen doing a similar maneuvers in his peripheral vision.

I haven't been this cold in a LONG while.
Gah, I'm naked and freezing!

He grabbed a towel from his dresser and rushed to the showers, leaving the door opened for Haylen to join him under the warm water, unable to stand it at high heat yet. Neither of them attempted anything, busy scrubbing off the mud and more importantly, regulating their body heat to something more normal.

All clean, Sy pulled a towel around his waist and rushedly brushed his teeth and dried his hair, going so fast and stressed it earned him a few odd looks from Haylen, though he discarded it for the moment. His flame licked colored hair neatly in placed, he jogged to his drawer set once more.

He pulled on some cozy white boxer briefs and thick white socks before rummaging for what to wear next. He needed to be careful at his choices of clothing for what he was planning next. Plus, he was already more comfortable, part of the benefits of having his feet warmly tucked in non-wet cotton.

He found just what he was looking for in his bottom drawer, storing the clothes that were meant for more special occasions. He put on carefully his black dress pants, fancy with the fold line running down the center of each leg, tucking it tightly with a black leather belt around his slender waist. Next he took out a white dress shirt with long sleeves, tossing it around and slipping his arms in, working on taking out any wrinkle and buttoning the wrist.

Like that, dressed clean with the opened dress shirt, he had a dashing glow to him he didn't notice. The elegance of the clothes somehow contributed to emphasize the definition of his exposed six pack, a little line of rust hair running from his navel down to the silver buckle of the expansive belt, muscles well tensed as he was deeply focused to perfecting the bottom and button of his sleeves.

Task done, he buttoned up his shirt, looking up only as he was tucking it in only to see a strange look on Haylen's face, not realizing yet that the boy was simply mesmerized.

"What? Do I look ridiculous? God I hope not I have to meet with city hall and a bunch of people and I don't even have an appointment. I really have to make an impression! How do I look? Really? Mmm."

Haylen had barely time to open his mouth to answer or question Sy's rambling that he was out the door, nearly running. He hadn't time to explain, or clean his little mess or for anything really.

He made it to City Hall just in time and found some of the lawyers that normally work for the city's social services sitting at a desk, on duty and available.

"I need some assistance." Simon asked him, politely.

The man, about thirty five years of age, slicked back brown hair turned his attention to Simon, pulling down his glasses with a refined thumb and index to reveal his hazel eyes.

"Close the door" he indicated Simon.

With a sigh, gathering some courage, Simon executed, spending the next 2 hours in the office with the man, behind closed doors in all confidentiality.

The way back to school was far more relaxing though, giving Simon some time to think things over, a file of papers now tucked under his arm as he walked on back to the school's property.

I can't believe it's done.
It's for real now.
And I'm not crying anymore.
I thought I would.
But I'm not.
Actually, I'm kind of relieved.
Guess that's what they'd call closure.

Some level of passive smile appeared on his lips and he walked the rest of the way to his room, unaffected by his surrounding or any stare he might have received for being so casual on a random Saturday afternoon.

His smile grew as the door closed behind him, looking to Haylen. He walked over to him, pulling a certificate from the file, handing it over to Haylen, some level of accomplishment about him.

"I did it. It's official now. I'm staying here."

He walked to his bed and sat down, leaving the paper in Haylen's hands, a paper that read Simon Welsh, independent citizen along with some more legal gibberish simply stating his rights and restrictions, along with responsibilities. He leaned back on his hands, studying Haylen's reaction.

"I'm now really on my own, I guess. I went to see the social service's lawyer, got all the papers filled and approve. Had to plea the case over the phone with my dad. That was a rough bit but you know what... I think I'm ok. Even after he held to his side, saying that unless I was changing who I am, I couldn't come home. I wish I could have seen his face when the lawyer told him the actual purpose of the call, that he no longer had any rights over me. He hung up, I'm sure he was furious."

I do feel bad for that though.
He's my dad.
But I'm doing the right thing, I'm not the one in the wrong here.

"Sy, it's all gonna be okay now. I'm really proud of you for doing this, if that counts for anything... You get to stay here. You're independent. It's awesome." With a grin that he hoped was reassuring, Haylen gave Simon a little hug, pulling him down onto the bed for a kiss. "Don't let this be a bad moment. It's gonna be great from here on out..."

It will be great...

right?

- - - one month later - - -

Four weeks or so had passed since Simon had been legally 'divorced' from his parents, and while things had appeared to be functioning as they always had on he surface, such wasn't quite so.

Haylen and Simon continued on with their normal activities, going to classes together and hanging out pretty regularly. The romantic aspect of their relationship, though, had been rather lacking, but for reasons that Haylen hoped Simon would never know.

Running down the hallway, Haylen made his way to the dorm room at the end of the hall, knocking frantically on the door as he struggled to catch his breath. "C'mon, Dan, let's go..."

After a few knocks, the gangly boy arrived at the door, pale blonde hair falling over his dark eyes. "Sorry. I lost track of time..." he gave Haylen a once-over, a wolfish grin taking over his lips. "You look hot."

"Save it," Haylen growled, grabbing Dan by his bony wrist and bringing him down the hall. As soon as they made it to Haylen and Simon's empty dorm room, Haylen tackled the kid onto the floor, viciously ravaging his neck with kisses.

Daniel squirmed beneath Haylen's long body, letting out a little laugh as he looked at the dark-haired boy with hooded eyes. "Someone's eager," he chuckled huskily, running his pale hands over the tanned expanse of Haylen's skin. With a shift of his hips, Dan forced their bodies impossibly closer, nipping playfully at Haylen's ear.

Nnhh, that feels good...

The friction between them was absolutely delicious, their cotton shirts riding up to let the warm skin of their stomachs touch. "Dan," Haylen breathed, rolling over so that their positions were reversed. "Holy hell."

With a moan of his own, the lanky blonde pressed a fervent kiss to Haylen's swollen mouth, skimming his tongue over the boy's pierced bottom lip. "I like your piercings," he murmured into Haylen's mouth. "They're cold... 'n you taste good... like my favorite candy... c'mon, Hayl, Imma tell you everything you taste like..."

He's such a dirty talker.

I love it.

Haylen almost wished he could feel guilty. He was in Simon's and his dorm room, essentially 'cheating' on the sweet redhead, and was in complete lustful bliss. This little thing that he and the beautiful senior-year blonde boy were having had been going on for two and a half weeks or so, and Simon had no idea. Haylen had to plan carefully, working around Simon's night-shift schedule.

Remembering that Simon's shift ended around 2 am, Haylen looked past Daniel and stole a glance at the wall clock. 1:47. "Dan," he managed, "Simon's gonna be back soon." He didn't want their activities to come to an end, but he also didn't want to be caught.

Dan didn't seem too concerned. He was plenty busy working Haylen's soft white tee over his head and pressing hot kisses to the newly revealed skin. "Soon, yeah," he said, "but not yet."

Forgetting his worries, Haylen whimpered in ecstasy. "I like how you think."

Still clinging desperately to each other and illuminated in silver moonlight, the two of them stood up, only to fall back onto the nearest bed. Which happened to be Simon's.

Haylen collapsed backwards, burying his cheek against the cold bedcovers. They smelled like Simon - sort of sweet, sort of musky... and he found himself imagining Dan as Simon, lifting his hips when he felt the other boy working at the button of his jeans. "Mmnh, hey, we don't have time for this..."

Dan's breath was hot on Haylen's ear as he leaned forward to whisper. "Yeah we do." He tangled one hand in Haylen's inky mop of hair. "We'll make it quick."

Just before Haylen could respond, the click of the doorhandle turning met his eardrum, and he urged Dan to stop. "Dan, shit, listen to me! You have to hide!"

The blonde continued with running his hands up and down Haylen's sweat-slicked torso, muttering dirty words all the while. "Just give me a minute, I promise--"

But that minute was cut short as the door creaked open and an all-too-familiar redhead appeared in the shadows.

Shit.

The night shift had ended a little early, all his box unpacked. Sy had locked the door of the bookstore and began his walk home, hands well tucked in his pants pocket, trailing down the school property under the starlit sky. Looking up, he recognized Orion, wondering if there was beings up there that would hear his thoughts, and his concerned if he addressed it to them. He still did, whether he was sure or not, appreciating this feeling of a presence other than his own. Even with his "partner" along his side for the past month, Simon had began to be invaded by this troubling sense of loneliness. He'd try to be honest with some friends back home, but Jack had asked Simon to give him more time to absorb the news. At least he still had hope to still have his own best friend...but for now, that left him with Haylen alone.

Haylen....

Simon had been dying to tell the boy what he truly felt, still annoyed by this constant need for physical attraction alone. He wanted romance, he wanted something more serious, a commitment, anything! But after the outburst he'd seen from Haylen at the simple accidental mention of the words "I love you"...he was walking on egg shells, and kept holding back. With time, all the thing did was create this sort of cold distance between them, though he still kept thinking of him whenever they were apart. After Haylen had given him the support he needed to get over this family drama of his, things had become without any emotions, stale. He hated it, and yet, he lacked the courage to make things move forward...if there was even a possibility. Now all they were was just...friends with benefits...how lame.

If you hear above there...
Just, help me do something...
At this rate, I'm just gonna miss that chance..
At this rate, It'll just be too late.

The doors of the dorms were right there, ending his little "chat" with the so called higher beings, ghosts of the past, whichever. He entered and made his way to his room, yawning a bit at the late hour. He turned the door handle, immediately hit by some strange rustling and noise from the inside. At first he made no strange notice of it, assuming that Haylen might just be watching a movie, the boy being quite the night owl in comparison to himself...but the scent in the air was unmistakable...that musk... And then it was all to visible as he crossed the door frame, faced with something he never thought he'd see. Haylen rather coupled up with a blond boy. Sy was so shocked he didn't even notice that Haylen was trying to rush the boy out or into hidding.

For a second, Simon just stood there, mouth gaping a little, staring unblinkingly like there was no emotions there....hollow. He felt hollow. He wanted to scream at Haylen, tell him how big a jerk he was, that maybe...no...after all, they weren't a couple or anything. Simon had been to big of a sissy to try and achieve that. It was practically all over. With a voice barely over a whisper, he spoke, averting his wetting eyes.

"Sorry..didn't mean to intrude."

He slowly turned around and walked to the bathroom, rinsing his face before the tears could fall. This was a little harsh but he had no rights to being angry. They had never commited to anything...but there was one now, and looking to his reflexion, his eyes a little swollen from both the fatigue from work and the held back tears, he vowed to himself that he wouldn't touch Haylen that way again. He was just, running after his own pain. He had to smarten up. After all, hadn't Haylen warned him that he would never love him?

He had...

Has he heard the dorm door open and close, Simon walked out of the bathroom and back into the main part of the bedroom, where Haylen was. He refused to look to the boy as he walked to the dresser, fighting within himself. He wasn't supposed to be this attached. They never had that special relationship, declare love or other. It had to be that he'd just, rely on the boy way too much. It must just be, some escape. That had to be it. Haylen had been his escape. Still, why did he feel like something was breaking inside? Why was this shock blocking his ability to speak as he was choosing a pj. To make it worse, he didn't even feel comfortable putting on a different set of clothes now, didn't feel comfortable taking of his shirt. He was now keeping his arms close to his body, appearing clumsy and withdrawn as he changed...but he never stopped telling himself that he'd get over it. He had to...

Haylen was in a daze.

He felt as though he'd been beneath Dan for all of two minutes when Simon had walked in, red-cheeked and shameful-eyed, apologizing for the intrusion. Haylen's brain was now a blur, forgetting where Dan had even disappeared off to, why Simon was even rooting through his dresser drawers in silence, what he himself was even doing.

Oh right...

It's two in the morning, Sy's probably getting changed, and I... I dunno about me... or Dan...

Shit. How do I even go about explaining myself.

"Sy," he began, chest still heaving in a mixture of panic and lust and I-don't-know-what-to-do-ness. He peered at the redhead through strands of chocolate hair, which had turned ebony with sticky sweat, and waited for some kind of reply.

Simon silently held himself, not responding to Haylen's voice, his arms wrapped around his own torso in a protective hug. He was sheltering himself from anything that could get him, that could hurt him further. That 'anything' being Haylen, namely.

"Sy, hey. I know you're not gonna talk to me. But I'm gonna talk to you. That was Dan... sorry you didn't get a proper introduction." He felt kind of like a jerk, but his tongue was bitter and leaden, and he was too deep in a haze of regret to really realize what he was saying. He smoothed the rumpled covers of Simon's bed and took jaunty steps to approach the other boy, gyrating his hips in an almost drunken sort of swagger. "But y'don't needa worry, he was jus' a pretty little trick to keep me busy... you know? No harm intended, no damage inflicted. I still like.... yoooooou."

The way Haylen was slurring and murmuring would make any unknowing bystander think he was in an altered state of mind, surely, but the only thing weighing down his raspy speech was his lack of sleep and his cluelessness as to what to do.

What am I even supposed to say here?

What do I tell him?

I guess I apologize? Do I explain myself? Do I tell him that I feel almost guilty? Do I not elaborate at all? Do I pretend it never happened?

This is friggin' ridiculous.

"Siiiiiiiiiiiiimon," Haylen said thickly, his already-sultry voice laced with a bit of extra seduction. "I din' mean to do that with Danny. No, no. I meant to. But not to hurt you, no. M'sorry. Real, real sorry..."

Perhaps it was the veil of remorse and confusion covering Haylen's brain, or maybe it was the way Simon smelled - mm, just freshly cleaned, right out of the shower - but something was making his mind think things that were entirely inappropriate for such a dismal, serious moment.

And though he really knew he should be thinking things through and saying something in the likes of an honest apology, Haylen had always been a boy to act greedily on his carnal thoughts.

So he did what he knew best and pressed forward, planting a not-so-chaste kiss on Simon's closed lips. The boy didn't react a bit, or maybe he did, but only to retract further away from Haylen.

But, living up to his reputation, Haylen was a fighter. A determined kid. He didn't wanna give up. So he wasn't going to. Not yet.

"Sy, listen, m'kay? M'not gonna see Dan anymore. It's just gonna be you, and it's gonna be me, and we're gonna be happy. We're gonna be something bigger, something better, right? 'Cause bigger is always better, isn't that what they say...?" He trailed off in a husky giggle, gripping at Simon's crossed arms with nimble fingers in an attempt to pry them apart. He couldn't help but notice how frigid the boy's milk skin was beneath his hands.

"I wanna give you a kiss for how many sorrys I am, yeah..?" Haylen nibbled at Simon's clenched jaw, closing his eyes to avoid meeting the redhead's miserable green gaze. "I'll count. Here, that was one, two..." he forced himself close enough to Simon to reach his neck, and placed a moist kiss there. "Three..."

I suppose the best way to try and cover my tracks will be wordlessly. Or senselessly, rather. As it's always been in the past. Just like back home... fun without consequences...

...except for this is completely, totally not the same. Not at all.

Simon and I aren't a game. We aren't. Our 'relationship'... or whatever it is... isn't a game.

And yet here I am, playing it like it is.

I don't know what to do. He should give up on me, I think. I know I already have..

The devil's steps are light, and so were Haylen's.
The seductive voice of the boy didn't have its usual effect though. All its intensity had been drowned in a lake of disapointments Because he was disappointed, hurt, betrayed. Every note ringing in the other boy's voice was nothing but stones making his baggage heavier, his discomfort more awkward.

He slipped on his pyjama pants as fast as he could when he sensed Haylen coming near him, barely dressed before the venom touch of the boy made contact with his cold skin. Cold, so cold, no matter the room's temperature. But he couldn't react, not much anyways. It was just so....blank. The way he looked to the defensive Haylen, void in front of the displays of charms and apologies. He found himself, for the first time, immune to that spell. Even the kisses failed to send anything other than a cold shiver. All there was might be related to something along the line of disgust, though he refused anger the right to be, simply backing his head a little.

Finally, calmly, expression just as void, he placed a hand on each of Haylen's shoulder, pushing the guy back a little, without any violence. His voice failed to echo right away, looking this boy over from head to toe. Even as hollow as this was making him, he could hear the distant echo within screaming to forgive, yelling and pleading to forget, to let it go and just, cave in. But he didn't believe anymore. His tone was a reflection of that abandon.

"I'm sorry Haylen. I can't. I ..I just can't. I'm not like you. I get really attached and I guess I didn't listen to you. I should have. I'm not angry at you but I can't play this game anymore, I just, I can't do it. Look, please don't lie and say that it's special just to be forgiven. I'm not mad. I just, I need to go to sleep. Now."

Unable to hold back a little gesture, almost implanted in his system by now, he lowered himself and landed a quick peck on the lips, looking away the second he distanced himself again, slipping under the covers of his blankets, his voice giving a final subtle message.

"Good night."

Leave me alone.

____________________________


The night had been tormented, waking every now and then and yet, he couldn't recall a single dream memory. Everything was still blank, and so...tiring. It was the first in a while that he had found sleep to be so exhausting. The sun hadn't even made it's full appearance when Simon finally gave up on trying, slipping from under the covers, sitting on his bed and rubbing his eyes. His alarm clock flashed five thirty.

He paused, looking at the sleeping Haylen across the room. He looked cold, alone. It gave him this painful pang at the pit of his stomach, and there was nothing more he wanted than to run away, to be far from that sight. To forget the betrayal he couldn't keep away from his mind. He couldn't even call it a betrayal, given he'd only blinded himself.

Sneaking, keeping silent, he pulled the drawers opened and dressed himself up, creeping out of the room, aiming nowhere in particular, just, away.