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A Revealing Phone call
Simon stormed in his empty room... well at least the part he saw had no living being in it, and quite frankly, he wasn't keen on bothering right now.
Slamming the door behind him, he leaned his arched back on it, his eyes bloodshot from working so hard at keeping the tears in. He was somehow convinced that he was now born without the aptitude to fall in love romantically, to feel some level of connection with a special someone. He longed for it, yearned for it, even the mildest connection, even if it would be only a chemical reaction, something, anything.
He closed his eyes with a pain stricken look, wrinkles messing up the freckles pattern on his nose before slamming his fist in the door behind him, bottling in a loud scream he didn't dare give life to.
I need Jack.
His eyes flickering back opened he rushed to the phone sitting on his desk and quickly dialed on the white digit buttons. He wished he could crash on the bed while talking but it was no surprise that the room didn't have a wireless phone, surely a precaution of the school for not having the thing lost. He settled for slumping in the computer chair, his fingers tapping incoherent rhythms on the wooden desktop as he heard ringing on the other end.
Come on, pick up, pick up!
"Hello?"
Simon let out a loud sigh of relief and felt like letting a lot of his emotions free. Jack had been his best friend since second grade and there was no one on this earth he trusted more.
"God Jack I'm so happy to hear you. I just, I really have to talk to you."
"Damn Sy, you sound like crap! What's happened?"
It was the great thing about this friendship, no need for charades and false greetings. He could just cut to the chase and not bother with fancy wrapping.
"I sunk again man. I can't believe I sunk again."
He put his free hand and elbow on the desk and let his head fall in the elbow nook, a sob shaking his shoulder but making no sound identifying the gesture. Everything around him, every sound was blocked out. It was like all that now existed was the desk, the chair and the phone with his hope for life speaking at the other end.
"Are you serious? My god. Just, tell me what happened?"
"Well, I met this girl, Isolde. She's perfect you know. Funny, witty, daring. She wasn't afraid of much. And she had this hair and those eyes, like really, really pretty. Magazine pretty...."
"Was she sexy?"
"What? Oh, yeah I guess....well anyways we sort of hit it off, playing little mind games for the fun of it and I took her on a date. Heck she even rode Shelby with me...oh, thanks for bringing my bike by the way."
"Yeah, yeah, just get on with it."
"Right. Anyways I took her to the cliff side, a tourist spot that overlooks the city. It was just her and I, empty today, perfect atmosphere and everything... and I kissed her and..." he felt his lungs tighten and his bottom lip quiver "nothing. I felt nothing. Yeah I felt her lips and I guess she kissed well but, no butterflies, no urge to push this further it was just... weird."
He heard Jack sigh on the other line, and the anger built up quickly in him, a human reaction for fighting pain, still refusing to indulge the tears and loud sobs from coming into existence. Instead he smashed his fist on the desk, all the defined muscles in his back growing tense, his voice becoming gruffed.
"Why, just why! What did I do to deserve this? Every time. Every freakin' time! What kind of freak has had as many girlfriend's as me and never, ever had any urge or impulse. Heck I don't even think any of them even ever got me to want them, physically. I had to force myself to kiss them you know? What the heck is wrong with me? Am I a freak or something!"
"Whoa Sy, calm down. Maybe its just, I don't know.... hormonal?"
"Hormonal? Are you kidding me? This has got to be the sickest thing ever. Man I just want to be a normal guy my age, is that too much to ask?"
"'Course not. But you know getting all pissy isn't going to fix it. Just go to a doctor. It won't kill you to ask. And Sy, call whenever okay? Don't beat yourself up."
He felt a second of happiness as Jack uttered the last few words, making a small rictus twitch on the corner of his lips, his head still on the desk.
"Thanks. I'll call you later."
"M'kay, bye."
He hung up the phone and grabbed his hair with both hands, his forehead hitting the desk as he growled with frustration. Jack's reasoning wasn't working into calming him down at all...
The last few notes of some wildly inappropriate Nine Inch Nails song were riding on Haylen's lips as he approached the door to his dorm, walking with a bit of an extra swagger. After his little breakdown in the library, he felt it necessary to swing his hips a little more and show that his confidence meter hadn't been completely sucked dry.
Assuming Simon-Says is already in beddy-bye-bye, I can't let my guard down.
Just as Haylen reached for the door handle, he realized that his roomate was not in fact asleep, but talking to someone else, more than likely through a telephone. With an eager ear, he leaned against the door, hoping to catch a few words.
"...and I kissed her and...nothing. I felt nothing. Yeah I felt her lips and I guess she kissed well but, no butterflies, no urge to push this further it was just... weird."
Haylen couldn't help the snakelike grin that danced upon his pierced mouth. "He got busy with a chick and didn't like it? Is macho-man Sy-Sy... confused... a bit?" With interest, he listened with increased purpose, intent on catching more.
"...ever, ever had any urge or impulse. Heck I don't even think any of them even ever got me to want them, physically. I had to force myself to kiss them you know? What the heck is wrong with me? Am I a freak or something!"
The dark-haired boy almost laughed. He waited until the phone conversation seemed to be over, and then gripped the tarnished doorknob, quietly slipping into the dorm. He was about to make a witty comment until he saw the condition of his redheaded roommate.
The poor kid was slouched over with his forehead against the desk in front of him, looking entirely worn-out and perplexed. He still clutched the phone in a pale hand, skin stretched tightly over defined knuckles. Haylen almost felt bad. Almost.
And the sympathy didn't last long.
He sat himself down on the edge of the same desk that Simon rested his head on, giving the other boy a hearty slap on the back. "Simon, Simon, Simon. S'gonna be okay, buddyboy." A condescending tone was evident in his velvet-smooth voice, but how else was he supposed to act towards Simon? They did allegedly hate each other, after all.
Unless...
Heh.
Heh heh.
I can't. I can't. Not a good idea.
Oh, but it is ...it's brilliant, almost. And sounds oh-so-tempting.
How can I not?
Haylen bent himself almost completely in half, slinking down so that his chin rested just above his own thigh and next to Simon's ear. "I heard you," he hissed, flicking his tongue out to wet his dry lips. "I heard what you were saying on the phone."
Simon shifted the slightest bit. Haylen smiled.
"It's okay," he promised, "I mean no harm, despite what you may think of me. But I did hear you. And Simon... I. I know where you're coming from."
He clinked his teeth across his lipring, enjoying the metally sound it made. "You're not a freak, Simon," Haylen purred, his voice breathy. "You're just... unsure. And you know, I understand how you feel. It's just... I'm not... unsure of myself anymore. And you know what?"
I can't believe I'm doing this.
Haylen inched forward so that his pink mouth brushed just barely against the orange tendrils of Simon's hair. "Sy... I can be your outlet. I may just be what you need to... figure things out."
Lost in his own mind game, his forehead still rested on the cruelly cold wooden top of the desk, the failure to help still clutched tightly in his hand, unwilling to look up to see where to set the receiver.
I could just, sleep here, stay here.
An early layer of sweat glistening his pale golden skin, he kept his eyes closed, trying to void his mind, trying to stop the world around him from spinning at a speed that was on the edge of making him nauseous. His focus too narrow to include his surroundings, he had failed to hear the creaking of the door, the light thump of footsteps or even feel the presence settling besides him...at least until the voice reached his ears. That sarcastic and self amused tone he couldn't mistake.
"Simon, Simon, Simon. S'gonna be okay, buddyboy."
Tensing up the muscles that weren't already tight, he remained still, wishing with all his might for the voice to belong to nothing more than an illusion. If there was someone he didn't really want to see right now, it was him. And yet, instead of relief, he found the tone turning into poisoned honey.
"I heard you, I heard what you were saying on the phone."
A shiver coursed through Simon's entire body, leaving a strange tingle at the back of his neck, forcing his shoulders to submit to a small tremble. He couldn't pin the exact cause of his own reaction. Sure, he didn't want Haylen to know of his problems, and he surely didn't want any kind of meddling from him, but he wasn't irritated like he thought he should be. Something about the proximity was getting him, making him uneasy and unable to shift his position, or even lift his head for that matter.
"You're not a freak, Simon, you're just... unsure. And you know, I understand how you feel. It's just... I'm not... unsure of myself anymore. And you know what?"
The declaration was startling and confusing, and his curiosity took the best of him. Without much looking, he placed the receiver back and through the locks hiding his face, without lifting his head, he gave a side glance to Haylen, unable to decipher the glimmer in the boy's very near silvery eyes, forcing his to squint, his glance turning into starring. It was as if he hoped that peering would help him read the mind of his rather complex roommate.
But what followed was even more confusing, and harder to process with the distraction of the boy's warm breath reaching his ear, forcing another shiver as he felt his own hair move with Haylen's lips as he spoke.
"Sy... I can be your outlet. I may just be what you need to... figure things out."
Leaning back to create some distance between them, he pushed himself up to finally face him, looking at him rather curiously, trying to puzzle together what had just been told, his lips moving silently as he dissected the statement.
He can't be talking about violence, I doubt he wants a beating.
Then, what is ........
A flash from their first conversation played as if reenacting in front of his eyes, which grew wide in realization.
Oh my god he thinks I'm gay!
"You have got to be kidding..."
He stood up, his full frame now standing tall, his mind visibly become frail as he fought the basic concept of it.
"I'm not gay. Really, I'm not. I can't be...no I'm not!" he forcefully uttered, pointing at Haylen.
He was now unable to remain still, pacing a little like a cornered dog who knows he's about to get punished. His head nodded chaotically and he turned his back to Haylen for a moment, mumbling over again that he indeed, wasn't gay. And then it broke. He didn't know how to react, whether to be insulted at the misconception, disgusted by what Haylen was offering or just...... so he let his instinct run him, and he laughed, holding his ribs to try and stop. This was insane. He would have known...wouldn't he?
Haylen watched in a mix of amusement and confusion - and you may as well throw in a little lust, now that he'd gotten himself going - as Simon keeled over in laughter, peering at Haylen with deep green eyes through a fringe of red hair.
"You're amused, are you?" Haylen leaned back on the desk, his shoulderblades grazing the white wall. "I wouldn't be laughing if I were you."
With one fluid movement, Haylen hoisted himself from the desk, leveling himself with Simon. He gripped the boy's shoulder's, bringing him from his hunched-over laughing position to a standing-straight one. "Listen, okay? I'm only trying to help you here. You can believe me, or you can keep denying it, but... c'mon. Obviously you're going nowhere but downhill at the rate you're moving at." Haylen paused, grinning coyly. "Wouldn't you rather go... up?"
Charming, Haylen. Reeeeal charming.
There was no denying the slight blush that filled Simon's honey-pale cheeks.
Goal #1 - achieved.
Haylen stepped closer to Simon, his prowl like a cunning cat stalking its prey. "Siiiiiimon," he said with a lilt, almost singing, "can't we just have some... fun?"
He wasn't going to give this other boy a say in the matter. Haylen Vega was never one to step back and let things happen. He was one to make things happen, and that wasn't about to change.
With a sweeping swing of his leg, his bare chest was merely inches from Simon's own clothed one, his slow exhales mixing with Simon's nervous breath. "Listen to me," he murmured, raising a hand to let it rest on his studded belt buckle. "Maybe you just need to... broaden your horizons a bit, yes? Experiment a little?" Their lips were painfully close, and Haylen's insides were tinging with anticipation. "I know we aren't on good terms. But maybe you can learn from me."
How did I get to be so... suave?
Hahaaaahah.
Haylen walked his fingers across the waistband of his own black jeans, grinning all the while. Thanks to the tiny distance between them, he could feel the soft material of Simon's shirt brush his knuckles. A satisfied sound rose in his throat, and he spoke with a low growl. "Simon," he whispered, "I hate you. So friggin' much."
Oh, such classic words for one to say before they make a move.
Without further hesitation, Haylen ran his hand from Simon's ear to the middle of his chin, feeling the other boy clench his jaw beneath his touch. "Shhh, shhhh." He tilted forward and pressed his lips against the exposed skin of Simon's neck, snaking out his tongue and grinning. His voice had taken on a thick, raspy tone. "I just want a taste."
Ah, Haylen Vega, you are such a little-
Yes, yes, I am.
And it's fantastic.
Have you ever felt like your limbs were being transformed into cement, unable to move and uncooperative? Simon discovered that sensation, that horrible vulnerability as Haylen drew close to him.
Get away. Stay away.
But as much as the programmed part of him that dictated that this was wrong for him to do, the more raw version of himself, the one he'd struggled to let free wanted to know. What was this like?
And so, with only inches separating their distinct bodies, he calmed to a still, the laughter dying, standing tall, partly on the defensive, partly opened for a pass. His green eyes locked to Haylen's as he began to explain himself, the words, the air and the in-between the lines messages causing blood to rush to his freckled cheeks at the sound of the innuendo.
"Wouldn't you rather go... up?"
Why was it, that this boy so much smaller in comparison, one he was sure he had physical advantage over of, speaking in strength, was suddenly so imposing? In was mind boggling, enough to cause a thick haze in Simon, his heart suddenly accelerating as his personal space became further invaded by this other person.
They say a gesture is worth a thousand words, and so it seemed, for nothing escaping Haylen's lips truly registered in Simon's head, but his hands..oh his hands. He followed them with his eyes, swallowing loudly as he clenched his teeth while his belt buckle was being undone.
"Stop..." he breathed out.
Oh please stop...
He was too terrified to fight back, scared to no end as he felt his temperature rise, his heart thump quicker and his chest heave. His eyes didn't even see what they normally would, the tanned neckline, a spot of moisture on Haylen's lips, slender and skilled fingers, hitting him like a nightmare, like a wish.
He felt brushes of skin, the movement of his shirt as it was touched, hate, envy , desire, so much. Too much. He closed his eyes as he felt his lips reach for his neck, remembering all the snide comments he'd heard from his family, his peers.
"Losers, rejects!"
His mother...
"Can you imagine the shame of his poor parents?"
His father...
"I heard they have camps to cure this.."
The memories kept flashing back, his jaw tightening, defining the lips, enhancing his lips with every snipe comment, with every word of programming he had been shaped with, his pass teaching, becoming undone by what he felt...desire.
Finally, he broke free of the trance, his hand brushing Haylen's arm as it raised, slowly, trembling, clumsy, until it found a nest in his long, thick silky black hair.... And then he grabbed a solid hold, cruel and pitiless, pulling him back from his body, his eyes shooting opened as he hatefully starred in Haylen's more surprised silver orbs.
"You want a taste, huh?"
If he was to break his own boundaries, he'd do it himself. His weight surpassing the other boy, his adrenaline abnormally high due to his stress and current mental state, he grabbed one arm from Haylen and spun him, banging his bare back on the nearby wall, inching closer, his eyes locking to his, communicating all the hatred in a single look...just before landing his lips right on his, tasting the metal of the piercing, embracing the taste of another boy, of him, his passion flaring up. He let go of Haylen's hair, still kissing him, his body over shadowing the other boy while he placed his now free hand on the wall, still holding tightly of his arm as if making sure it wouldn't go anywhere.
Haylen had never been one to let control fall from his hands and into another's, but in this case, he wasn't about to stop anything. His backbone hit the wall with a slight crack, he was pinned between Simon's arms, and they were kissing - friggin' kissing - and it felt so good.
Ahh, sweet victory...
I knew I would win him over.
"Mmnhh," Haylen moaned, tearing away from Simon for the merest of moments. He arched his back and strained his neck, slipping the white beanie from Simon's red mop of hair and tossing it carelessly to the floor. He tangled his limber fingers in the orange hair, yanking Simon's lips back to his own.
Haylen's senses were being overwhelmed. All he could hear was Simon's ragged breathing and perhaps the clanking of their belts; all he could see was the black of his squeezed-shut eyelids. The room smelled of musk and new paint, and the only things he tasted he were mint and nerves and something else pleasant. But the best is what he could feel - ah, god... Simon's muscled form was pressed stark to Haylen, his cotton shirt rubbing against the smaller boy's torso. Haylen could feel Simon's hesitancy fading by the minute, being overwhelmed with desire and curiosity.
But things were still tense.
Tense? That's an understatement.
I could cut this air with a friggin' knife.
"See?" Haylen gasped, his voice hot and rough as it slithered into Simon's ear. He gripped the redhead's neck with one hand, still keeping the other in his hair. "How do you feel now, huh?" He cocked a perfectly groomed brow, his chest heaving as he peered up at Sy.
He held tighter onto Simon's hair, though he released his hold on his neck and instead brough his empty hand to rest on the other boy's hips. "I bet you feel good," he chuckled darkly, biting at his own kiss-swollen lips. "I bet you feel like you don't ever wanna stop. I bet you're gonna fall asleep tonight and dream about this, about what you really want." He pushed Simon across the room, tackling him down onto his stupid maroon-covered mattress and sitting atop his waist. "I bet you want this."
Or am I just being greedy?
Am I just being selfish?
When has that ever, ever been a concern before?
Never.
Right.
Continue on, then.
Haylen bit at Simon's bottom lip, letting out a raspy breath between each nip. "You- want- this-" he said in a voice that was barely audible to even himself.
Maybe it's me who wants this, really.
So he climbed off of Simon, dusting off his jeans and smirking broadly. "But, Sy, you know what my darling, darling mother taught me? You don't always get what you want. Sometimes you can't just let it come to you." He ambled to his side of the room, sitting down on his own bed, but still facing Simon. He didn't know what to expect - either Simon would a) kill him, b) yell at him, c) kiss him again, d) do nothing, or e) none of the above.
I'm kinda hoping for 'c'.
Wishful thinking.
...I think I'm bipolar or something.
The passion just escalated as their lips intertwined, tasted and teased. The moist of his lips, the cool of his metal, the smell of his skin, the warmth of his chest pressed on him and the sound of his heavy breathing, his light moans when their mouthes parted for a second, it was all built for pleasure, making Sy love to hate.
Haylen broke himself free with a bit of a louder vocal noise, instinctively making Simon reply with a moaning "mmnh" of his own, aching to have years or storming and doubting reaching for relief. It didn't even matter for genders now, all those concepts violently colliding in a storm of desire and mental torture in the very core of his being. And there he was, withdrawing after launching the whole affair, speaking as he kept teasing, weaseling his lips away every now and then, each unenunciated word causing frustration to Sy as he just wanted to get there, here and now, silently and without any thought, any shadow of a care. Why was he questioning, bragging, talking? Why wasn't he just doing what he was supposed to, relieve him?
With a roll of his eyes Sy pressed himself further on Haylen, his lips finding way to the boy's neck, the warmth and the feel of his heart pulsing through the skin was giving way to his envy, his flaring desire...but he still spoke, making Simon gruff a grunt of frustration as he tried again to muffle him by bringing the heat to yet another level. But his attempt failed as Haylen managed to wriggle himself away, speaking as if, he'd stop?
Is he kidding?
After all this?
I shouldn't be doing this and he stops!?
"You have to be freakin' joking. Not gonna happen."
Stripping his shirt off with surprising easy, his green eyes glossed over with passionate and heated desire, he walked over to Haylen. He wasn't going to let him play with him...well more than this was already playing him, destroying him, but in the fire of the moment, he couldn't give a care in the world. This high was too much to pass up, to delectable, perfect, playing on the taste buds, shivering the spine, trembling the core, numbing the mind. It had to be ecstasy, nothing else.
He quickly crossed the distance separating them, answering Haylen with the use of any word, tipping the boy on his bed, not even bothering to surround Haylen's clutter on the ground, just stepping on it mindlessly in the frenzy before ending on top of him in the comfort of the bed, his hand quickly finding way to his belt, his lips quickly playing on his lips, descending to his jaw, nibbling his lobe, licking down the neck line and making way to the chest, those firmly nit abs, the muscles perfectly forming with the boy's ribs in a slender, muscular shape. It was agonizingly good, and yet, he began to grow nervous at what the next step would be.
For once in his sad, lonely life, Haylen felt like things were finally going from mediocre to good to better within moments. It was exhilarating.
Currently he was beneath a Simon who he didn't quite recognize - when Haylen had first met this kid, he'd been defensive, wary, and a little bit on the introverted-get-away-from-me side. Now, he seemed rather eager to flaunt his... evil side, if you will.
I always have been attracted to the darker pleasures of life.
Haylen let out a throaty groan and nuzzled the side of his face against his mattress, squirming as Simon lavished his ribcage with hot, moist kisses. Whenever this kind of thing happened - no matter who he was with - Haylen always felt the slightest bit self-conscious.
Sure, he had one of those wiry-muscly bodies, but his bones stuck out at obnoxious angles. His ribs poked out like xylophone keys, and his hipbones practically threatened to tear right through his tanned skin. Especially compared to this well-built boy above him, Haylen couldn't help but feel a little ashamed of his awkward frame.
Who friggin' cares right now, though.
This is about what's going on, not who looks the prettiest.
"Awh, Sy, you're s'good- you sure y'haven't done t-this before?" Haylen stammered, playing up his role, then grinning blissfully and shivering beneath the redhead. His eyes flashed with unashamed lust and he quickly sat up, shoving Simon off of him and onto his knees on the floor.
He perched himself on the side of his bed, scooting up until his legs were bent and his combat boot-clad calves dangled over the edge. Simon's chin was parallel to and about two feet from his lower stomach.
With a snicker, Haylen leaned forward, at the same time yanking Simon closer by his shoulders until his mouth was just barely against Simon's.
"You... and I... this is ridiculous," Haylen breathed, his pierced lips moving against the other boy's. "All of it, every last ounce! It's ridiculous!" He was on the verge of manical laughter, reaching around and knotting his fingers through strands of Simon's hair. He was inhaling Simon's breath as though it were his oxygen.
What good is this rambling doing?
"I don't even know you," he mustered, his voice suddenly seductive. He peered at Simon with hooded celery eyes. "But most of my... interests... remain nameless to me. I suppose we could play like that."
What am I doing?
Tugging back, Haylen looked from his unbuckled belt to Simon's mouth, making a mental note of the painfully small distance between the two. "So... now, the fun part. Decisions, decisions. What are you gonna do, hm?"
For once the talking didn't bug him that much, it was well placed and not "interfering" with the buzz of pheromones Simon was currently surfing.
"All of it, every last ounce! It's ridiculous!"
You're telling me?
From his seat on the ground, Simon wrapped his arm around the boy's waist, letting the passion lower a moment as Haylen spoke, gently kissing his lower stomach, needing to slow down for just a moment, before he got swallowed by all this, become fully overwhelmed. Sure, Haylen had his reasoning, but to Simon none of it mattered, it was in one ear and out the other... well except the last little sly look he got as Haylen eyed his current position, making him glance down to the boy's crotch and back to Haylen's face. That was one territory he wasn't about to explore.
Swiftly, he pushed himself up to a standing positions, leverages now switching as he stripped himself of his pants before rejoining Haylen in the comfort of blankets.
The next moments were a built up of nerves, Simon growing more and more scared as it evolved, his moaning becoming a little chaotic as a sign the development, and yet, he never showed any behavior that he was about to stop, their bare figures intertwining. And he felt it, defeated the fears as he found what he seeked, physical bliss. And he found it with another boy. Their moans and groans reached a higher key and then subsided to nothing but heavy breathing.
But at this stage, a person normally would simply be at peace, crumbling into the most comfortable of slumber as the adrenaline would gently leave, a layer of sweat cooling under the fresh air...but for Simon, that final release, was also his limit, for tears quickly built up to his eyes and he was unable to hold them back, letting a few drop on Haylen's bare back, a sob shaking him.
Overwhelmed by the emotions and the newfound shame, he quickly retracted himself off the bed, pulling his boxers back on before heading to his side of the bed, mumbling on the way, not even looking at Haylen as he spoke.
"Just, leave me alone alright."
His voice was stained with the sorrow now governing him, his throat tight and heart heavy. He slipped under his blankets, clutching his pillow as he let go of the barrier, unable to hide his own weakness even if he wasn't alone in the room. And so, not holding back the noise, the tremble, he indulged his pain and shame, the realization that he was different, the idea of having the face the world as what he now was, his world, the conservative people populating it, his past failure. It was a rough break to reality, and cried it, openly, face sunk in his pillow until exhaustion allowed him to pass into slumber.
Haylen was very much acquired to the sensation of emptiness; almost constantly, his lungs felt empty, his stomach felt empty, his heart felt empty. But the fact that his brokenness was frequent didn't make it any easier to bear.
He trembled in the shadowy corner, huddled on top of his bed beneath the sheets. His skin felt filmy, his hair was matted to his face, and his eyes ached with lack of sleep, but there was no way he was about to fall asleep.
"Simon?" he coughed, his voice crackling. Haylen knew that the other boy was fast asleep - or at least his muffled crying had stopped - but he pretended that the redhead was still awake, still pressed with his torso against his back.
I just wanna sleep.
I need to clear my mind, because as of right now, I can't believe... anything.
Or maybe I don't want to.
"Hey, listen, alright? I didn't think anything would ever come of me... kissing your friggin' neck. I wasn't aware that a taste meant the whole damn package, I mean... don't you think you went a little overboard?" Haylen sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "Naturally we were gonna kiss. I mean, that was a given. Don't think that I didn't see the way you looked at me when I walked in."
Stop re-writing the script to make things more reasonable.
"Okay, maybe not. But... okay. I'm just blaming everything on you. I'm just going to shut up now, and when we wake up, it's gonna be like none of this ever happened. That's how it always was back home, with the callboys... and since that was the game we agreed to play, that's how it's gonna be here." Haylen wasn't even sure that he was making sense to himself, but talking always helped. Even if it was to himself.
Haylen stayed still for a moment, and he realized that he wasn't only empty, but cold. It was like someone had removed his internal organs and replaced them with ice. He'd grown so used to falling asleep next to warm, sweaty strangers that he wasn't used to having only the cold to cuddle with, and the chilled air was seeping into his pores.
"Simon, did you realize how cold it is in here, or is that just me?"
Haylen could practically hear Sy's voice snapping through his mind again -
"Just, leave me alone alright."
"I'm sorry, Sy," he mouthed, scared to say the words even with the other boy sleeping. 'Sorry' wasn't quite a word in his vocabulary at this point.
With a heaving sigh, he flipped onto his side and tried to ignore the pain stirring in his lower back. "I hate... people," he reminded himself, the three words seemingly a mantra to his life. He couldn't do anything right when it came to human interaction.
No, I just can't do anything right at all.
It took far too long for Haylen to force himself into a restless slumber, and when he did, he had horrible nightmares.
